Wednesday, March 12, 2008
no, NO, NO!
I hate the word cancer. Everything about the word, the way it looks the way is sounds and the way it feels when you say it. I hate what it means, what it does to a persons hopes, how it makes you feel fear like you have never felt it before. How it means that your life will never be the same. Never. Even if you recover you will forever be touched by cancer. I just heard that a person that I care for very much has cancer. She is a new friend. Which in my case means that I didn't go to elementary school with her. She is a friend that came into our life because of Ben and stayed a part of our life because she is wonderful. She is one of those people who doesn't need to have her feet in the special needs world but does because she cares so, so much. She has an amazing talent for kindness that you can see in her work and in her life and I hate, hate hate that she is facing this battle. I had cancer. Thyroid. So now I have no thyroid. I only think about it every time I take my meds so...everyday. I remember thinking "Is this really what is supposed to kill me?". Answer was apparently no, or at least no right now. I have been cancer free for a little over 7 years. Which means that my mom has been cancer free for over 8 years. She is a cancer survivor too. Breast. My grandmother had breast cancer as well. I just found out that a woman I know had thyroid cancer. I noticed our matching scars. Dave's old boss just found out that he has "bad" colon cancer. I think that bad is man speak for advanced. Everywhere I look people are being devastated by this word. Lives forever changed, holding onto scars that will never fully heal because the word strips all those it touches of there sense of balance, of there sense of right. I am so afraid for her. My heart breaks for her and her new husband. Pray, in any way, for her. I hate cancer.