Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Difference

I was sitting there last night watching my kiddo's tumble around the living room and thought to myself, there is the difference. Right there in front of my eyes, they are living the difference right now. You see Kiera was cartwheeling in circles around Ben, while singing a song and laughing herself silly. Ben was singing the same song but every time he started laughing his muscles would crumple underneath him and he would turn into a puddle of silent giggles on the floor. He would catch his breath, stand up start singing again, start laughing again and turn into another happy boy puddle of silliness. Now all of this is good and fine, in our house. We see it every day, but I don't always SEE it for what it is. The difference between them. Why should I. They are a happy brother and sister, singing and laughing together and enjoying the silliness that is being children. But when it comes down to it, it is not just the difference between them. It is the difference between him and...everyone not him. Literally. No one is him. No one is exactly just like Ben and this year is beginning to tear at my heart.
Fourth grade. How did it even happen so fast? Ben transitioned to a new school building, new teacher, and new parapro (boo!) and did it so smoothly it was amazing. Kid just blows me away. Our biggest problem this year is probably that he is doing so well that when he doesn't do well I have to remind the team that they are not following the accommodations written into his IEP. It is a new thing to have to remind people of the level of brain damage that they are dealing with (expect a lot from this little dude but the IEP is in place for a reason folks). The social side of things is a different story. Up until now Ben has always counted on girls in his class to anchor him socially. Fourth grade girls don't seem to fill that role for Ben though. That leaves him a bit in no mans land. And he tries, goodness knows he tries. The kids in his class are not blatantly mean, just disconnected. And. It. Is. Breaking. My. Heart. I actually don't know what to do. I'm fairly disconnected from my own friends these days, how do I fix THIS? He came home with "Twins Day-Friday" written in his weekly planner. After a lot of conversation what it seems to come down to is that on Friday you get to dress up as your partner, and Ben doesn't have one. But he would like one, maybe he will get one on Thursday. What the hell kind of kid torture is this that he is trying to be so cheerful about? Because if I am crying over it, it can't be making him feel good on the inside!
So here I am again venting to the big space of out there because I am not sure that there are any perfect answers. Ben loves school, Kiera doesn't and she is my "typical" child. Wish us luck on twins day, we might just all go to school as a family dressed alike. Take that!