Monday, January 7, 2008

Make it better

I have a choice. Everyday. I can make it better or, even through passivity, make it worse. I have been doing a great job with this outlook for years. When faced with a child that if left to his own devices may never do most anything that a typical child would, you make a decision to move forward or drown in the idea that it is not going to happen as you had hoped. Don't get me wrong, I have not been the glowing example of hope that I would like to be. But, usually when I am down on the idea of making it better it is because I feel that I am not doing what I can or not doing the best that I can. I have managed to stay away from the "world against Shannon" mentality of entitlement that I know I have no right to. Why now have I let this idea get away from me? It is not OK to burn out on parenting this early in the game. It is simply not an option so... I need to make it better. When Kiera mercilessly attacks the dining room wall with red crayon (a wall for which I have no more touch up paint, thank you Magic Eraser!) it is my choice to teach or get angry. When Ben looks at Kiera's attempts to potty train herself and decides that a few accidents would get him some attention, I can sink in discouragement or let it go and give him what he is asking for. I can look at the 5 pounds that I have gained in the last month and a half, the 5 pounds that it took me 2 months to loose and eat my troubles away or I can decide, everyday, that I have the ability to make healthy choices for myself. This life is all about choices that I feel that I have made (marrying Dave, having children) and choices that I feel that I was left out of (losing my dad, getting cancer, having my precious son need to fight for his life) and if I don't at least try to make the better choice when I have the option, no one is going to do it for me. No one. It is up to me to make it better.

1 comment:

Allison said...

Oh my! My friend you need some serious girl time! You might even need a vacation. You will get through this as you always do. You need a break from it, a bit of encouragement and a step back to look at the big picture. I will try to call you later!