Where to begin?
Five years ago my water broke...six weeks sooner than expected...
Five years ago a sweet doctors answered my call with "Looks like we're having a baby! Wait, how many weeks are you?"
Five years ago my seemingly complicated world became silly.
Five years ago things got serious.
Five years ago you came into this world kicking a screaming and a dream began.
Five years ago you stopped breathing and we nearly lost you.
Five years ago my heart shattered.
Five years ago a dream that never was, slipped through my fingers as hard as I tried not to let go.
Five years ago I begged to see my beautiful but all too still baby boy.
Five years ago my life and my world ended, changed and began anew.
Five years ago I learned what a mothers love is.
Five years ago I started fighting for you.
"He will never hold his head up"- you do.
"He will never roll over"- you do
"He will never sit up"- you do
"He will never crawl"- you do
"He will never bear weight on his legs"- you do.
"He will never talk"- you do
"He will never never walk"- you do and now you run!
and the best...
"He doesn't love you. He will never love you or form human bonds"- you do! You are the most loving little person that I have ever known.
NEVER SAY NEVER LITTLE MAN!
You have taught so much. You have given me so much. You have shown me the world through a completely different lens that misses nothing and never skips past the little things. You have shown me what courage is. You have shown me what strength is and it has little to do with muscles. You have proven over and over that there is no such thing as never. You have broken my heart with "I want to walk mama" then made it burst with joy with "I can do it!".
I will be strong for you.
I will cheer for you.
I will cry with you.
I will always be there for you.
I love you my first child.
I love you my amazing boy.