Monday, December 19, 2011

Crab Lucky Crab

Almost exactly eleven years ago I had a human arm (not mine) in my body, through a tiny opening in my neck. This fantastic woman (who's are it was) was removing my cancerous thyroid, several lymph nodes, and exploring every inch of what she could reach from my ears to my armpits. You should see my scar, or not see it really, it's a dream come true. How this woman did the work she did and left my neck with a barely visible white line I will never know, but I will always remember her name with a level of awe and appreciation. She put in one long interior stitch that she pulled out a week later, my head didn't fall off, and she left me cancer free. Truly amazing. The result of having no thyroid and my kind of cancer is that you take thyroid replacement and enough of it that your pesky body doesn't try and regrow cancer growing thyroid cells. Tada! Hyperthyroidism! Side effects include- irritability, stress, increased appetite, insomnia. (Notice I've left out weight loss, I don't have trouble with that side effect)
Now I also have another pain in the ass issue that hasn't been much of an issue until this year, and that is a seizure disorder. The number one cause of break through seizures is lack of sleep. Some other high up causes are not taking you medication, stress, and not eating correctly. The side effects of the medications that I take for this are- irritability, anxiety, lack of taste sensation, insomnia, anger and stupidity. I'm not kidding. They don't actually use those words on the websites but the words most affectionately associated with my meds are "rage" and "dope".
None of these fancy aspects of my life let you sleep which is why I am up right now bitching to the wide sleeping space of the web. So here I am with my interesting problem, I'm hungry but food doesn't seem as appealing as it once was, which adds to the irritability because I'm freaking hungry and I can't get to sleep which stresses the crabby mom even more and the circle continues because I am still hungry and by goodness I am so bloody tired and the kids are going to be up in 4 1/2 hours and what I wouldn't give for a bag of gummy bears and I am just so tired and tired of being a crab and tired and tired of be stressed about being tired, when oh when does this merry go round stop?

And how fucking lucky am I that eleven years later, I am waking up cancer free to look at my beautiful children. One of the luckiest women in the world.

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