Late Nights

What do you do with the pain of fear that sets so heavy in your chest that you feel you could physically remove it? What do you do? I push it away. I "deal" with it which is to say that I keep living and it fades. Which I guess is also saying that I don't deal with it at all. I try not to cry and hope that it passes quietly. I've dealt with it. Does that count? I know the cycle of grief. We are in fact old chums. So I know that it will move on it's way, in it's way. But what do you do when the pain and fear you feel for your child drops you to your knees and wracks you with silent sobs, silent from all the years trying not to wake others with your tears. What do you do? I let it cry it's self out then I shed a few more tears for all the mama's out there who have silently cried with me.